Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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