I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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