I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
