i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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