I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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