The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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