first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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