Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
