who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
