My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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