Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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