He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
