ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
