are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
