alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
