According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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