Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
