I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
