I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
