Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
