No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
