We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
