Yo dont text me then not text me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
