Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
