im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
