Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
