Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
