i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
