she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize