Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
