You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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