A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
