Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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