Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
