You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
