Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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