Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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