it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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