Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
