Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
