i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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