Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
