i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
