...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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