the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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