I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
