We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
