come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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