I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
