please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
