Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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