I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize