I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
