people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sarcasm needs its own font
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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