Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
