I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
