You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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