Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
