so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
