Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
