i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
