I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
