I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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