im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
