I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
